My last week of travel in India I went to an agency XYZ in Chennai where I had been told that composite age of me and John are 90+ and that we would not qualify for a child under 3. This was news to me. She showed me from CARA guidelines (Central Adoption Agency in India) book. I had asked her if there had been any changes since my Agency in Toronto hadn't told us anything about it. In fact we have been thinking that we might get a younger child and I have been campaigning for child up to 4 and we just raised the age and got the approval a month ago. I just got my OCI (my permanent passport from India) now we will qualify for a healthier child since I will be considered Indian Citizen. * They offer unhealthy children (child rejected by Indian couple from India) for International adoption.
The director of XYZ informed me of a healthy young girl nearly 5 (she just had her birthday 5 days ago) and that we could have her if we wished. Right away I called John and we started looking into this process. As soon I got back to Canada we wanted to make all the arrangements for this 5 year old girl since we will need additional approval for her since we just got the approval for a 4 year old.
First we had to get our social worker's approval for a older child then she will write a recommendation to the province of Ontario and then get the approval from the Govt. Our doctors and social workers had given us the green light for this girl.
One of the plus point about this girl is that she is from Nagercoil, Tamil Nadu - She is from the same state as me! I speak fluent Tamil, so to communicate with this girl would be so much easier. Two, I would stay in India for two months towards the end with her until the papers are finalized from Delhi for her Visa and the bonding issue would be much smoother. She would also reside with me and my relatives who speak the same language the surroundings will be so similar for her, the transition would be so much better. Lastly, as I indicated most of the children from India showed stabilization and maturity. I didn't see any children crying or being isolated like the stories we hear about from eastern Europe.
Last weekend we were ready to get this proposal from India and to proceed with this little girl but unfortunately the following day we heard she was given to someone locally. Above all the places, my hometown Nagapattinam. Yes a couple from Nagai has stolen our would be child. Ok let me not get emotional but for three weeks we got used to the idea about getting this little girl from Tamil Nadu. Now the rug has been pulled underneath us..
With not knowing the composite age being a huge factor for India.. now our window is shrinking since we are just too old to adopt a child from India.
In Western culture they would like the child to be younger the better but in India they work with the parents age and ratio of the child's age.
At this point we are not sure where we stand as most of the agencies in India have no healthy children available for International adoption. This is why we were given proposals in the past for unhealthy children. We could only apply to one International country at a time.. at this time it's India. For us to change a country would also result in more time delay. Maybe Angelina Jolie or Madonna could tell us how they got their child so fast and could put in a good word for us...
Friday, March 5, 2010
NGOs and Orphanages in Nagapattinam (Part 2)
I went to a tiny cramped house that housed 32 young girls from the ages of 6 to 16. Two out of 32 girls are complete orphans losing their parents to the tsunami and the rest of the girls have some family members in Nagai District but not being able to support the girls. The girls grow under the care of two caregivers who works with the girls around the clock getting them ready for school and prepares their meal.
These girls were unlike any of the children I had met. These girls had such determination and unshakable strength to make it big when they finish school. Most of the girls were in top 10 percentile and each telling me that they wanted to be somebody. It really touched me as I know how hard it is to get a "seat" acceptance in Indian universities as the system is very similar to American universities. Many Indian universities ask for bribes just to take a student so it will be very hard for these girls to go to universities and become a professional. End of the evening the girls sang songs as two girls had angelic voices as they all excelled not only in academics but also in sports and arts. These children are not eligible for adoption, you can provide financial support (donation) directly to Seva Bharathi, check out the link for details and pictures..
http://www.sevabharathitn.org/WebPortal/default.asp?pid=34
Parameswaran and his wife Choodamani are now running a orphanage to take care of children who were in direct result of tsunami. When Nagai orphanage was overflowing with children right after the tsunami the couple decide to adopt children themselves and started to raise them as their own. They believe with their unshakable faith to the church they were blessed with having two children of their own and now they have 24 children in total (including their 2 kids) and they take care of all the children.
http://www.nambikkai.org.in/
NGOs and Orphanages in Nagapattinam (Part 1)
One day I went to a orphanage run by the Nagai District called Annai Satya Tsunami Rehabilitation Project where I had been to before when the tsunami hit five years ago and there were 102 children orphaned. During the last five years the numbers have gone up and down and now down to 72 children from the ages of 7 to 16. Most of them are girls as boys are taken to other orphanage after they reach 9 years old. Some of the girls had recognized me from five years back. Most of the girls are somewhat adjusted after loss of their parents and attending school right now. Few of them have extended family member living nearby and visit them on special holidays.
But the children could really benefit from having mentors as they have no one really to look up to or have time to spend with as they are on their own. There are caregivers in the orphanage but they are much older Gov't employees. Even though there are big girls in the group they themselves lack contact with someone in their age or a bit older to talk to. Nagai Gov't is committed to helping these children reach their full potential but these children lack direction and mentorship which is crucial to their survival wherever they end up. These children are not eligible for adoption, you can provide financial support (donation) directly to the Nagai Gov't to care of these children. My second stop I visited the SOS Children's village. SOS Children's Villages is an independent, international NGO, which has been working to meet the needs and protect the interests and rights of children. It's one of the world's largest charity for orphaned and abandoned children and have been nominated 14 times for the Nobel Peace Prize.
The first SOS Children’s Village was founded by Austrian born Hermann Gmeiner in 1949 in Imst, Austria. He was committed to helping children in need – children who had lost their homes, their security and their families as a result of the Second World War. With the support of many donors and co-workers, the organization has grown to help children all over the world - in many cities in India and now in Nagai. 
There were 10 houses at this particular village and each housing 10 kids and a "mother" (24/7 caregiver) being their primary caregiver. The children grow in these homes with brothers and sisters of many ages and a "mother" taking care of them. All of these children are orphans as a result of Tsunami even though SOS provides home for orphans or abandoned children in many developing countries. I was very impressed with these caregivers and the condition of the children. Most of the houses were decorated by the children from each house. During the day the children attend school and in the evenings children get back to the village and play with other kids and do their homework. At night they retire to their own home where they eat, play with their sisters, brothers and mother. At this particular SOS village in Nagai - Christian, Hindu, Muslim children live together in peace as it has been in Nagai all these years. The children from these villages looked happy and were well adjusted, thanks to Euros and Dollars pouring to this Int'l NGO. These children are not eligible for adoption, if you want to help these children you can sponsor a child and as each child has an international sponsor. Check out the link for more details and pictures..
http://www.soscvindia.org/charity/nagapattinam.php
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Show me the way..
It’s been more a week since I got back from Bangalore and sorry for not posting any updates. Things just get busy here and finding solo time is nearly impossible as I am always surrounded by family and they just don’t understand what all this fuss is all about checking email everyday or updating info. They are starting to understand why I had spent many hours in the internet cafés on my previous visits. I am not missing TV here since most people (men and women) are hooked on many Serials (soaps) that start at 7pm and goes until midnight. They are stopping their serials to entertain me.. and I am also rotating house to house each day/night giving each family enough time to catch up with their soap and a break from me hee hee.
Bangalore was a great visit.. A very rich city, in the state of Karnataka where the language Kanada is spoken. The script and the language are completely different from Tamil. So we depend on speaking English.. No one speaks Hindi which is the national language (language wars in the south – similar to Quebec and now no one speaks Hindi).
Bangalore is well above sea level hence cooler climate. At nights in the winter it drops down to 13c… the early morning I had arrived it was 17c, felt lovely compared to Hot Nagai. My cousin Sundar and I got a lovely 4 star hotel for the price of 2 star since the owner knows my uncle that runs the NGO. I was very happy to get cereal with milk, yogurt and fresh fruits for breakfast. First day (Sunday 21) we just chilled and shopped until we dropped.
Monday we rented a car with a driver from the hotel (In India you can’t drive, you wouldn’t want to drive – that’s another blog). Very cheap, 8 hours 800 rupees, 100 rupees = $2.30, and visited 6 agencies. 3 out of 6 were Christian run agencies and had excellent sites and facilities for the children. It’s weird I am getting the run around from Hindu agencies. All the children looked very healthy and happy. They all said hello but they were all committed to parents in India and abroad already and staying the agencies with foster parents until their parents arrive and take them with them.
One agency was very kind and registered me on their book, my first! Most just take the application and say “thank you, we will call you when we have a child” but one particular agency registered me and gave me a receipt for registering. They offered me siblings - 2 boys, one is 5 and another 3. Not sure I could look after two boys at once.. So I declined. They offered me another boy who is 4 but his mental capacity is of a 3 year old and has problem using his left hand that was fractured a year ago and needs his hand reset and can’t speak. Fractered hand is fixable but not sure about the mental capacity of a 3 year old when he is 4 and he can’t speak - so I declined as well. They will call me if they find a healthier child.
Other organizations accepted my application but didn’t have a child to offer. Some of the waiting list could take over 2 years since many Indian couples (from India) are waiting and they get first priority. They really encouraged me push forward in Tamil Nadu (my home state). I was really excited about Bangalore and I was quite blue going empty handed or without an offer.
It took us two days to cover the all six agencies and total of 10 hours, just driving since Bangalore’s traffic is horrendous. We spent most of the hours in the car.. Thank god the weather was cool so we didn’t mind being the car otherwise we would have been cooked in the heat.
Later part of Tuesday we visited Tipu Sultan’s palace, Sultan was a Muslim king who tolerated Hindus and worked together to abolish the British Empire. Lovely palace, will post pictures later. Later we visited the “bull temple” – a temple dedicated to the Bull – vehicle for lord Shiva, large bull carved on a single boulder, quite lovely. We also visited lord Ganasha temple - another behemoth boulder carved for the Elephant God and a behemoth lord Shiva statue temple. I guess Bangalore = big, all the temples are huge or the carved deity are huge. Same night we returned back to Nagai on another all night shaky bus for 12 hours.
Bangalore was a great visit.. A very rich city, in the state of Karnataka where the language Kanada is spoken. The script and the language are completely different from Tamil. So we depend on speaking English.. No one speaks Hindi which is the national language (language wars in the south – similar to Quebec and now no one speaks Hindi).
Bangalore is well above sea level hence cooler climate. At nights in the winter it drops down to 13c… the early morning I had arrived it was 17c, felt lovely compared to Hot Nagai. My cousin Sundar and I got a lovely 4 star hotel for the price of 2 star since the owner knows my uncle that runs the NGO. I was very happy to get cereal with milk, yogurt and fresh fruits for breakfast. First day (Sunday 21) we just chilled and shopped until we dropped.
Monday we rented a car with a driver from the hotel (In India you can’t drive, you wouldn’t want to drive – that’s another blog). Very cheap, 8 hours 800 rupees, 100 rupees = $2.30, and visited 6 agencies. 3 out of 6 were Christian run agencies and had excellent sites and facilities for the children. It’s weird I am getting the run around from Hindu agencies. All the children looked very healthy and happy. They all said hello but they were all committed to parents in India and abroad already and staying the agencies with foster parents until their parents arrive and take them with them.
One agency was very kind and registered me on their book, my first! Most just take the application and say “thank you, we will call you when we have a child” but one particular agency registered me and gave me a receipt for registering. They offered me siblings - 2 boys, one is 5 and another 3. Not sure I could look after two boys at once.. So I declined. They offered me another boy who is 4 but his mental capacity is of a 3 year old and has problem using his left hand that was fractured a year ago and needs his hand reset and can’t speak. Fractered hand is fixable but not sure about the mental capacity of a 3 year old when he is 4 and he can’t speak - so I declined as well. They will call me if they find a healthier child.
Other organizations accepted my application but didn’t have a child to offer. Some of the waiting list could take over 2 years since many Indian couples (from India) are waiting and they get first priority. They really encouraged me push forward in Tamil Nadu (my home state). I was really excited about Bangalore and I was quite blue going empty handed or without an offer.
It took us two days to cover the all six agencies and total of 10 hours, just driving since Bangalore’s traffic is horrendous. We spent most of the hours in the car.. Thank god the weather was cool so we didn’t mind being the car otherwise we would have been cooked in the heat.
Later part of Tuesday we visited Tipu Sultan’s palace, Sultan was a Muslim king who tolerated Hindus and worked together to abolish the British Empire. Lovely palace, will post pictures later. Later we visited the “bull temple” – a temple dedicated to the Bull – vehicle for lord Shiva, large bull carved on a single boulder, quite lovely. We also visited lord Ganasha temple - another behemoth boulder carved for the Elephant God and a behemoth lord Shiva statue temple. I guess Bangalore = big, all the temples are huge or the carved deity are huge. Same night we returned back to Nagai on another all night shaky bus for 12 hours.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Comfortably Numb
It’s been a week since I went to Trichy and having spare time to write has been a huge commodity, mainly due to my cousin’s long wedding celebration that has taken many days and just eating and socializing engagements with my extended family and friends.
First things first, Trichy trip was a success as well - another Christian run organization that hesitated at first but now ready to work with me providing that we can donate some money towards their organization. The Tirchy org has two divisions – one that is providing adoption for county and inter-country services and another division providing special assistance for physically challenged people and alcohol related illnesses in the rural areas.
I am very happy to see these social services available in the urban areas to provide the necessary services since its lacking in the rural areas. Alcohol abuse is a huge problem in the economically challenged communities. The state government loves to get its hands on the revenue it generates from selling cheap alcohol to the poor communities and the taxes from it, unfortunately it’s the men who abuse the alcohol and the downfall is their families. Men drink alcohol here to forget their worries and problem due to their economic situation and social standings – unfortunately the women and children feel powerless to stop their provider and only hope is organizations like these.
On a lighter note, I visited the tsunami affected sites. It took me around eight hours to cover the coast and the villages, that are just in my district (Nagai). Definitely positive changes, that’s another blog.
Good news, the goat that made strange noises from my uncle’s neighbour’s garden has just given birth few minutes ago. The mom and the kid are doing well from the sounds that I am hearing right now.. And it’s midnight. Now I understand why strange noises had come the last couple of days since I’ve never heard a goat with labour pains, it made a sound strange sound like someone was choking it. Sorry for the imagery but seriously I was considering going to my uncle’s neighbour and ask him to feed their goat. I feel sheepish now ;)
I am chilling this week in Nagai and working on couple of projects and grazing at my relative’s house.. Talking about food – I am putting a full blog together about food, Tania it’s coming ;) It really feels like home and it’s been long time since listening to “call to prayer” (prayer reminder/invitation for the Muslim community piped through loud speakers) yes at 5:30am and 4 more times throughout the day/afternoon/evening/night. Yes, it does wake me up at 5:30 am since it’s really loud.. But I am also finding it melodic and soothing – it’s bringing back memories from childhood..
Saturday I am heading to Bangalore – to Karnataka state to visit six more agencies with my cousin Sundar. I am hoping for more positive news. I plan to be there for 3 days and return to Nagai for couple of days then to Chennai and home.. It’s been an amazing journey. It’s not been easy but finally I feel settled and feel at home - an older woman told me today that I spoke impeccable Tamil like I live here. My proud moment and felt like the daughter has returned.. In couple of weeks I will miss all of this.
First things first, Trichy trip was a success as well - another Christian run organization that hesitated at first but now ready to work with me providing that we can donate some money towards their organization. The Tirchy org has two divisions – one that is providing adoption for county and inter-country services and another division providing special assistance for physically challenged people and alcohol related illnesses in the rural areas.
I am very happy to see these social services available in the urban areas to provide the necessary services since its lacking in the rural areas. Alcohol abuse is a huge problem in the economically challenged communities. The state government loves to get its hands on the revenue it generates from selling cheap alcohol to the poor communities and the taxes from it, unfortunately it’s the men who abuse the alcohol and the downfall is their families. Men drink alcohol here to forget their worries and problem due to their economic situation and social standings – unfortunately the women and children feel powerless to stop their provider and only hope is organizations like these.
On a lighter note, I visited the tsunami affected sites. It took me around eight hours to cover the coast and the villages, that are just in my district (Nagai). Definitely positive changes, that’s another blog.
Good news, the goat that made strange noises from my uncle’s neighbour’s garden has just given birth few minutes ago. The mom and the kid are doing well from the sounds that I am hearing right now.. And it’s midnight. Now I understand why strange noises had come the last couple of days since I’ve never heard a goat with labour pains, it made a sound strange sound like someone was choking it. Sorry for the imagery but seriously I was considering going to my uncle’s neighbour and ask him to feed their goat. I feel sheepish now ;)
I am chilling this week in Nagai and working on couple of projects and grazing at my relative’s house.. Talking about food – I am putting a full blog together about food, Tania it’s coming ;) It really feels like home and it’s been long time since listening to “call to prayer” (prayer reminder/invitation for the Muslim community piped through loud speakers) yes at 5:30am and 4 more times throughout the day/afternoon/evening/night. Yes, it does wake me up at 5:30 am since it’s really loud.. But I am also finding it melodic and soothing – it’s bringing back memories from childhood..
Saturday I am heading to Bangalore – to Karnataka state to visit six more agencies with my cousin Sundar. I am hoping for more positive news. I plan to be there for 3 days and return to Nagai for couple of days then to Chennai and home.. It’s been an amazing journey. It’s not been easy but finally I feel settled and feel at home - an older woman told me today that I spoke impeccable Tamil like I live here. My proud moment and felt like the daughter has returned.. In couple of weeks I will miss all of this.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Agency Update
Mumbai seems like a blur to me. Chennai was a brief visit and I was able to visit an agency just next street to where our house is, they were really happy to receive me but I’ve heard this line before. “We have no children at the moment”. She said they were not taking any application since they have no children but she was happy to add my application to her pile. I was able to charm her with my command of my mother tongue and my last project in India re: the Tsunami. She felt very bad for not being able to help but said she will personally pass my application to the director to see if they could do anything. I plan to see her director upon my return to Chennai.
I was in Pondicherry yesterday and was able to visit two orphanages. Wow what a difference. Pondicherry was run by the French rule during colonization and still has French rules. The city is also very clean and has sidewalks to walk unlike rest of the Tamil Nadu with lack of sidewalks and getting hit by cars and buses.
The first agency was run by the hospital under strict guidelines by a church. Sister Maryanne was happy to see me but the same line “no children” and have couples in waiting list for 3 years. When I told her that I wasn’t looking for a baby but a young child, she warmed up. A strange question throughout India including all agencies asking “what colour do you want your baby?” – Within India there are so much racial standards. The darker you are and less status. India is obsessed with colour – that’s another blog for the future. But most agencies asked me if I minded having a “black child” meaning a child would look like me. I always joke to my family to a white person everyone from India looks brown so it doesn’t matter what shade of brown or black the child is as long as the child is healthy. Sister Maryanne said she might be able to help me and has a young girl who might be dark, yes!
The second agency that I visited was a true orphanage just outside of Pondicherry. It’s run very well. It has two sectors, one division that does inter country adoption and one that houses specially challenged children and adults. The director was able to provide me positive answer which has been rare, and of course the standard questions - sex and colour of the child. She thinks she might be able to help me since she gets many unwanted babies and children and they are granted for inter country adoption. She also asked if I would be able to provide donation for the specially challenged children and I told her that I would.
So far Pondicherry has been positive compared to any of the agencies that I have seen. So please cross your fingers that my phone would ring before I leave India in 3 weeks or even soon after I get to Canada.
I am off to Trichy tomorrow – 5 hours away by train and I am seeing a Christian organization where they seem to be little bit more organized, I have more hope now.
I was in Pondicherry yesterday and was able to visit two orphanages. Wow what a difference. Pondicherry was run by the French rule during colonization and still has French rules. The city is also very clean and has sidewalks to walk unlike rest of the Tamil Nadu with lack of sidewalks and getting hit by cars and buses.
The first agency was run by the hospital under strict guidelines by a church. Sister Maryanne was happy to see me but the same line “no children” and have couples in waiting list for 3 years. When I told her that I wasn’t looking for a baby but a young child, she warmed up. A strange question throughout India including all agencies asking “what colour do you want your baby?” – Within India there are so much racial standards. The darker you are and less status. India is obsessed with colour – that’s another blog for the future. But most agencies asked me if I minded having a “black child” meaning a child would look like me. I always joke to my family to a white person everyone from India looks brown so it doesn’t matter what shade of brown or black the child is as long as the child is healthy. Sister Maryanne said she might be able to help me and has a young girl who might be dark, yes!
The second agency that I visited was a true orphanage just outside of Pondicherry. It’s run very well. It has two sectors, one division that does inter country adoption and one that houses specially challenged children and adults. The director was able to provide me positive answer which has been rare, and of course the standard questions - sex and colour of the child. She thinks she might be able to help me since she gets many unwanted babies and children and they are granted for inter country adoption. She also asked if I would be able to provide donation for the specially challenged children and I told her that I would.
So far Pondicherry has been positive compared to any of the agencies that I have seen. So please cross your fingers that my phone would ring before I leave India in 3 weeks or even soon after I get to Canada.
I am off to Trichy tomorrow – 5 hours away by train and I am seeing a Christian organization where they seem to be little bit more organized, I have more hope now.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Welcome to Tamil Nadu
Vanakam - welcome to Tamil Nadu - Southeast state of India with coastal side to Bay of Bengal - my home state.
Been here since last Friday and its been great to speak the language and hang with family and friends here.
I was 4 days in Chennai and visited an agency with pretty the same story. And chilled for a bit in a lovely hotel which I will write more later.
Arrive in Nagapattinam - my birth town (Nagai) and been here for 2 days and celebrating the harvest festival Pongal. Unfortunately not enough time for anything just visiting family.
Tomorrow I head to my father's town and a village celebrate Mattu Pongal (Oxen Pongal) to give thanks to the farm animals and things, should be great.
Then heading to Pondicherry - formally a french colony and visiting couple of agencies then Trichy - a larger city to visit another agency. Hopefully I will have more time to chill and write something.
Have to getup in few hours.. see you guys in few days. Happy Pongal - Pongalo Pongal
Been here since last Friday and its been great to speak the language and hang with family and friends here.
I was 4 days in Chennai and visited an agency with pretty the same story. And chilled for a bit in a lovely hotel which I will write more later.
Arrive in Nagapattinam - my birth town (Nagai) and been here for 2 days and celebrating the harvest festival Pongal. Unfortunately not enough time for anything just visiting family.
Tomorrow I head to my father's town and a village celebrate Mattu Pongal (Oxen Pongal) to give thanks to the farm animals and things, should be great.
Then heading to Pondicherry - formally a french colony and visiting couple of agencies then Trichy - a larger city to visit another agency. Hopefully I will have more time to chill and write something.
Have to getup in few hours.. see you guys in few days. Happy Pongal - Pongalo Pongal
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